This is my largest oil painting to date and definitely the most difficult to paint. It took 6 months to complete. I had gone through a very traumatic season of my life, including a painful break-up. This painting sort of illustrated that and let me get it out.

It took many sketches to get the composition right, and then several months of painting off and on to create the work—I probably should have used larger brushes. I had initially intended to make it more black/ gray and not so blue. I mixed ultramarine blue with burnt umber. Theoretically, blue and brown mixed together will give a black, however in this case, the ultramarine blue was so strong it over powered the burnt umber brown and what came out was blue, no matter how much burnt umber I mixed in, so I just ran with it. Clearly the painting was meant to be blue.

I had always assumed that the man in the lower left was inside the boat, that is how I had intended to draw him and I was bothered that he didn’t really fit, particularly since he is me and I am very tall—there is no room for his legs. Now I can see that it is obvious that he is outside the boat and trying to hang on for his life. The wave is coming and it is unsure if the boat will be turned over or will stay afloat.

The oars men in the middle felt like angelic beings to me, and even through they are focussed and aware of the danger they are strong and competent and they gave me hope. Even though I was not in control, somebody was there to help.

If I am outside the boat and I hold on too tightly, the wave will most likely turn the boat over. Maybe I need to hold lightly until after the wave passes, maybe I need to let go, maybe the oars men are going to help me in or maybe they are going to kick me away so I don’t capsize the boat. Perhaps there is another boat to help or a raft I can grab onto…

Regardless, I let it go and moved on.